Bek and Char Review: Chris Pratt…errr…Jurassic World

REVIEW: JURASSIC WORLD

Bek: Directed by Colin Trevorrow (who?), Jurassic World stars Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, snotty kids and a Franken-saurus. I had heaps of fun watching this, even with the wobbly elements. For example, I found the ‘up-tight’ character of Claire boring, along with the clichéd suggestion she just needs a romp with Owen to work the kinks out (call me). I felt this subplot either needed more beef, or dropped altogether (see “Mad Max: Fury Road” for plot with male and female characters not hooking up but still being awesome *GASP*). I also wondered what the movie would have looked like if the gender roles had been reversed.

Char: Right, so Joss Whedon sorta asked the same question in a tweet, and you know, it’s Joss (all HAIL JOSS). So a gender reversal would be a stuffy dude with a military haircut heartlessly protects “assets” (which now I’m writing it here, sort of feels dirty) while a free-spirited yet brilliant safari lady bonds with the raptors? I think they did that with the T-rex in “The Lost World”. Or it could be the pitch line for some kinky erotica (makes mental note).

Bek: Someone already went there. It wasn’t pretty.

Char: Ah-hem. What we should really be talking about is what type of motorbike said role-reversed lady would ride, as Owen bad-ass Pratt rides a Triumph Scrambler (helloo, product placement). Actually she’d probably have saddles on the raptors. Now, there’s an image. I see the 1980s soft porn jungle flick Sheena, but with dinos. Someone please stop me.

Bek: No, no. I can see it now…

Bek: It was very interesting to note the film’s marketing featured Pratt’s character, but turns out this is Claire’s story. But because of the Ice Princess routine, I found it hard to care. You saw her in a different light, didn’t you?

Char: Yeah, so … Claire has a busy, demanding job. She’s basically the embodiment of the corporate goddess (plus I like Bryce Dallas Howard – she’s the chick from the M.Night Shyamalan movie that everyone hates but me). Then, she gets the nephews in free as VIPs and the parents are still down her neck? What gives. Why are the kids’ parents so keen to paste the guilt on Claire? She’s their AUNT. It was the kind of plot I expected from the classic divorced parent trope. You know, Jim Carey runs Jurassic World, and that chick from ER is like, dude, you never see your son. I don’t care how critical your job is you’re taking him THIS WEEKEND. Then, hijinks ensue. It’s one of the reasons I wonder if the script was originally for a male character, and they changed it up and had to bandaid over it. It honestly bothered me the whole movie.

Also, if the kids have passes to save them lining up for anything, then why are they lining up for the giant hamster balls? But let us not venture into the land of inconsistencies. There’s tall grass down there, and worse things than raptors.

Bek: Damn you, movie logic! And no one runs in HEELS. I’ll only accept ONE woman in the world able to do this.

Char: Ah, Scully. Yeah, that bothered me too. But then, Chris Pratt! Also, there was a bit of the funny in this movie. It was actually hilarious. People laughed at the jokes in the cinema. And not the pained kind you get in an Adam Sandler flick. Some competent person wrote those jokes. And did you spot the dude fleeing with two frozen margaritas? That’s classy.

Bek: Yes! And I loved the cynical Jake Johnson character in the Jurassic World control room, with his collection of toy dinosaurs. I wish he had featured more in the movie. He’s the meta voice of reason, and when he tries to hook up with his co-worker before his great sacrifice, her reaction is priceless.

Char: Ah, yes, that dude. He was responsible for a few funnies, including the old Jurassic Park t-shirt purchased from ebay. He reminded me of the character Wash, from Firefly. I even expected him to play with his toy dinos. He didn’t. But the evil dude from CSI did sweep them aside dramatically. That’s called a metaphor, kids.

Bek: And there was a blink or you’ll miss it shot of the Goldblum’s Jurassic Park character’s book on his desk, in one of the many nods to previous movies. I blinked and missed it, but in my defense, Pratt was onscreen. The internet assures me it was there.

Char: Yeah, that was nicely done. And I really enjoyed the vision of the park actually open. Seemed totally right. I’m curious too … so Jeff Goldblum was in Jurassic 1 and 2. Sam Neill was in Jurassic 1 and 3. Neither of them are in this movie. If you were going to cast them, who would they play in this film?

Bek: Maybe Sam Neill could play an absent minded engineer who’s got a bad feeling about this or is only one day away from retirement before becoming a dino-entree. My husband (a rabid fan of all Jurassics) has informed me you can never have too much Goldblum, in any shape or form.

Char: Gah! Looking away! But honestly, I had every reason to dislike this – I’ve never really liked the others (because I’m precious about the mucking they did with the novels, sniff). But this entertained me. It was weird and wibbly with all these subplots hanging off all over the place (divorcing parents! flying lessons! teenage girlfriends!), and it took a leaf out of George RR in topping characters at unexpected moments. But I say a hearty, well done big faceless studio, this one’s a keeper.

Bek: Agreed. Even with Pratt’s shirt firmly buttoned up all through movie (sad face). I will have to be content with a strange Chris Pratt Boot Scoot.

Bek’s Grade: 7 Goldblum Nipples out of 10
Char’s Grade: There’s an image I’m not losing … 9 Triumph Scramblers out of 10