10 Things Not to Buy Off the Internet

By Sarah Belle – the voice of experience.

10. Perfume – unless you know the seller is reputable and you are buying a perfume that you have previously worn and know won’t smell like cat urine on you.

9. Diet Pills – yeah, ‘cos who knows what’s really in them?

8. Twitter Followers – what are the chances they are truly interested in your twitterings? Remember people, it’s quality, not quantity!

7. Paint – that particular shade of ‘Smouldering Sexy Boudoir deluxe’ that looks so great on your laptop screen, actually looks more like something from Romper Room in the flesh. Don’t do it.

6. Uranium – just because you can doesn’t mean you should. You don’t want the government to go all gang-busters on your uraniumised butt.

5. A Private Island – why wouldn’t you pay a paltry US $50 million for a little piece of rock floating off the Panama coast? Because chances are, it doesn’t exist, is currently inhabited by a fugitive Cuban drug lord, or will require extensive flood insurance.

4. Shoes – unless you know the exact size. It’s hard enough to get a standard shoe size in retail, let alone on line.

3. Jewellery – if you only pay $25 for a 18ct gold necklace, then chances are it ain’t 18 ct! Good luck getting a refund out of these etailers.

2. A spouse – because someone who is meant to look like this:

Or this:

Will actually look more like this:

1.  A love spell – or any kind of spell for that matter. Unless you are a seasoned spell casting genius, or go by the name of Hermione Granger, it’s better for us novices to lay off the internet magic.

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Magic realism mixes with romantic comedy in this new novel from Sarah Belle about the dangers of internet shopping – and using magic to solve real world problems.

Lou’s life is perfect. She loves her job, her renovated house, and most of all, her gorgeous fiancé, Aidan. But when her old flame and Aidan’s school yard nemesis turn out to be the same person, Hunter Wincott, Lou’s life is blown apart. She must divulge her secret past, or have Hunter give it away. Either way, she runs the real risk of losing Aidan.

In desperation, she turns to Google. A quick search turns up Majique, the Internet Witch, and a spell that will delete herself from Hunter’s memory. But something goes wrong in the casting process, and Lou deletes much more than just a memory. She deletes herself from her life completely.

Luckily, there’s a one-week window for Lou to get back to the life she loved. One week to win back Aidan, before he walks down the aisle with the wrong woman, and damns everyone to a lifetime of misery. It would be easy, if only Aidan had any idea who Lou actually is.

5 Secrets to Successful Stripping

By Juliet Madison…or rather her creation, Ty Roxford, quality adult entertainer and dancer, and hero of Juliet’s new novel!

1. Confidence – If you don’t have it, get it. Stripping cannot be successful without a good dose of confidence in yourself. But you have to strike a balance too, don’t become over-confident to the point that you come across as an arrogant ass.
2. Eye Contact – This, my friends, can make more of an impact than the stripping itself. Never underestimate the power of deliberate, focused, and sexy eye contact. Find someone to connect with and hold their gaze a few moments longer than usual. Tell them a story with your eyes. But don’t turn it into a staring competition, then you’ll just look plain weird.
3. Practice – You can’t just wing it. A successful strip is a performance, not a random display of clothing removal. Each performance needs a beginning, middle, and an end. It needs to attract attention immediately, then tease, then build momentum towards the final act. If you’re not confident enough to practise your moves in front of a mirror, then you’re not confident enough to perform. Treat it with professionalism, and your audience will be satisfied.
4. Quality garments – I can’t emphasise this enough. Do not buy crappy stripping garments! Trust me, I know from personal experience that although leather pants can look sexy, they’re not so sexy when they get stuck during removal and your performance turns into a sumo wrestling match. With yourself.
5. Classy not cheesy – It is not the fact that clothing is removed that is sexy, it is the way in which it is removed. The thrill of a strip is in the teasing, and teasing needs to be subtle and classy, or it will look ridiculous. You want your audience blushing, not scrunching up their faces. A wink here and there, a teasing smile, a curved finger enticing them towards you, and even a caress of their hair. And don’t forget to throw in a few impressive dance moves.

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Mixing romance, humour and a sparkle of magic, Juliet Madison is back with a new full-length novel about a bride-to-be, a mystery and the stripper next door.

When bride-to-be Sally Marsh attends a weekend away with her bridesmaids, the last thing she expects is an uninvited guest: the ghost of her fiancé’s ex-girlfriend.

Red is quirky, loud and distracting, and Sally is soon desperate to find the reason behind her presence, so she can rid herself of her embarrassing shadow before the wedding day. Unfortunately, the ghost is reluctant to share the reason for her existence, but very enthusiastic about Ty, the surprise hen’s night stripper who keeps showing up at awkward moments.

Time is running out for Sally, but it’s also running out for Red. By the time all is revealed, Sally will be tested to the limits, and go above and beyond everything she’s ever believed in order to ensure not only her own happy-ever-after – but Red’s as well.

Haunted Ever After is available for pre-order now.

Inspiration Behind the Story: Jane O’Reilly

It might seem a little odd given that I write romance, but I have my husband’s love of the Discovery Channel to thank for a lot of my inspiration and The Holiday Survival Guide is no exception.

The hero in this novella is a survival expert who used to have his own TV show (ringing any bells yet?) and anyone who has spent any time watching the Discovery Channel will have stumbled across Bear Grylls. There is something innately sexy about a man who is not only physically tough enough to withstand extreme conditions, but also mentally strong enough to keep going when those conditions threaten to be too much. Add to that sharp intelligence and a complete lack of shame when it comes to nudity, and suddenly things become very interesting indeed.

This is the man you’d want on board when your plane went down and you were stranded in the middle of the desert. Someone who knows so much about wildly different environments and is able to conquer their fear and do things that I know I personally would never be able to do, like jumping out of an plane, climbing a sheer rock face, or eating things that really shouldn’t be eaten.

We’re so often surrounded now by waxed, preened, pretty men with gym honed bodies designed purely for show, and to me there’s nothing sexy about a man who spends most of his time worrying about his hair. Give me a man who can build a shelter and start a fire any day.

If the zombie apocalypse ever happens – I know who I’ll be calling 🙂

Jane O’Reilly started writing as an antidote to kids’ TV when her youngest child was a baby. Her first novel was set in her old school and involved a ghost and lots of death. It’s unpublished, which is probably for the best. Then she discovered contemporary romance, and that, as they say, was that. She lives near London with her husband and two children.  Her next title with Escape, Perfect Timing, is available for pre-order now.