Feed Your Reader: Gallantry, Mistaken Identity, and Beautiful Gowns…

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All’s Faire in love and war…

Connie leads a double life. During the week, she is an up-and-coming designer and dressmaker, creating sleek, elegant gowns for the wealthy elite. But come the weekend, Connie becomes Lady Constance, a member of the House Felicitous at the local Renaissance Faire, creating beautiful historical garments for herself and her friends and teaching dancing to fair attendees. Fearing loss of business should her stylish clientèle discover her extracurricular activities, Connie keeps her professional life and her faire life carefully separate. However, everything changes when she’s saved from certain death by Sir Justin: a rising star in the joust and an actual knight in shining armour.

Behind his mask as Sir Justin, Dominic is confident and charismatic, but out of his armour, his courage fails him, and to his own horror he finds himself accidentally pretending to be his own best friend. Suddenly, he is in Connie’s life as two different men: the elusive Sir Justin who courts her over the internet and from behind a suit of armour and Justin’s ‘best friend’ Dominic who hangs out at her apartment and helps her move. The lie only grows bigger and Sir Justin finds himself faced with the most frightening challenge he can imagine: extricating himself from his lie and winning Connie’s heart as his true self.

But there’s something rotten afoot at the Faire, something that threatens its future, the community that has grown there, and even Sir Justin’s life. Will Lady Constance find the courage to step up and risk everything to defend her friends, save the Faire, and rescue her knight?

“I loved every minute of this fun story!” – Leah, Goodreads

“The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight was a creative and hilarious romance taking place in an incredibly unique setting.” – Nicki, Goodreads

“A very sweet and original romance set in the faux medieval landscape of a renaissance fair.” – Laura, Goodreads

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight is available now!

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How to Tell if You’re Dating a Knight in Six Easy Questions

by Anna Klein

How does your significant other dress?

  1. Padded gambeson, metal armour, surcoat appliqued with appropriate heraldry
  2. Nice jeans, clean top, a jacket if it’s cold.
  3. A Victorian tuxedo or gown and a cape with a red lining
  4. T-shirts with offensive slogans, or pond scum.

When someone upsets you, how do they react?

  1. Swear vengeance on your behalf, then challenges them to a duel at dawn.
  2. Listens, and is supportive. Lets you take the lead on how to handle it.
  3. Their eyes go red briefly. The person that upset you is found mysteriously exsanguinated the next morning.
  4. Says it was probably your fault and then goes back to talking about themselves

What’s his face like?

  1. Rugged, strong, grown hardy by lack of modern comforts.
  2. Hair and/or facial hair is tidy, a little light moisturiser
  3. Pale, paler than you could have imagined, untouched by the rays of the sun for centuries,
  4. Green, scaly, a little moist.

Which description is most like your dates?

  1. Riding on horseback to a jousting tournament followed by a spectacular feast of eight courses, complete with mead, merry musicians and a roaring fire.
  2. A romantic dinner, a movie and then drinks with mutual friends.
  3. You are shown the magic of the night
  4. Whatever they feel like doing, really, such as catching flies with their tongue and croaking with their friends.

What is home?

  1. A castle. It’s a little draughty, but with pleasant roaring fires, paintings and a vibrant household.
  2. A modern apartment or home, cosy, handy to public transport and with a nice yard for summer parties.
  3. A castle. It’s very draughty. And dark. Lots of bats. Does anyone even live here?
  4. A pond. It’s your job to clean it.

How do you get on with the family?

  1. You haven’t met many of them. Father died in battle, siblings have been married off abroad and Mother spends all her time making tapestries of battles they have won.
  2. They make an effort to include you and are supportive of the relationship.
  3. The statues in the family mausoleum are impressive but not very good conversationalists
  4. They haven’t bothered to introduce you.

Time to tally the results!

Mostly 1 – Your lover is a knight! Handy with a sword, and always up for rescuing you, your lover may be a little stuck in the past and often away on questing business.

Mostly B – Your lover is a regular, modern day human being, and a knight-on-the-inside. The best of both worlds!

Mostly C – Your lover is a vampire! Which is pretty cool too. Time to invest in fun scarves, and who knows, maybe they used to be a knight in days past?

Mostly D – Your lover is a toad! Whether a literal green amphibian or just a jerk, you’ve probably spent enough time kissing them and waiting for royalty to show up. Time to go.


32237All’s Faire in love and war…

Connie leads a double life. During the week, she is an up-and-coming designer and dressmaker, creating sleek, elegant gowns for the wealthy elite. But come the weekend, Connie becomes Lady Constance, a member of the House Felicitous at the local Renaissance Faire, creating beautiful historical garments for herself and her friends and teaching dancing to fair attendees. Fearing loss of business should her stylish clientèle discover her extracurricular activities, Connie keeps her professional life and her faire life carefully separate. However, everything changes when she’s saved from certain death by Sir Justin: a rising star in the joust and an actual knight in shining armour.

Behind his mask as Sir Justin, Dominic is confident and charismatic, but out of his armour, his courage fails him, and to his own horror he finds himself accidentally pretending to be his own best friend. Suddenly, he is in Connie’s life as two different men: the elusive Sir Justin who courts her over the internet and from behind a suit of armour and Justin’s ‘best friend’ Dominic who hangs out at her apartment and helps her move. The lie only grows bigger and Sir Justin finds himself faced with the most frightening challenge he can imagine: extricating himself from his lie and winning Connie’s heart as his true self.

But there’s something rotten afoot at the Faire, something that threatens its future, the community that has grown there, and even Sir Justin’s life. Will Lady Constance find the courage to step up and risk everything to defend her friends, save the Faire, and rescue her knight?

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight is available now.

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Exclusive Excerpt 2: The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight

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All’s Faire in Love and War…

Sir Justin rode onto the field, his armour managing to gleam even in the overcast light. Connie applauded thunderously, pride and possessiveness welling up inside her.

Ouch, Foxingwood, I think thou hast ruptured mine ear drum, I can but hope that Sir Justin is not stunned after that boisterous welcome,’ the Maestro said. ‘Mayhap he is, he seems to be going the wrong way—wait a moment, what’s this? It seems our knight is stopping for a meet and greet!’

The Maestro was right. Sir Justin rode up to the barrier instead of trotting alongside it; he was walking his horse purposefully, scanning the crowd, as if he were …

It seems Sir Justin is looking for someone! Is that a rose in his hand?’

Connie’s heart skipped a beat.

Then, suddenly, Justin was in front of Connie, the smell of horse and leather and steel filling her nose. Her heart pounded as she looked up.

Lady Constance,’ Sir Justin said, his voice once again muffled behind the locked visor of his closed face helm. ‘I give you this rose as a token of my affection.’

Connie found herself grinning madly as she accepted the rose. ‘I thank my most valiant lord. But wait, sir, one moment before you go—’ Connie fumbled with the knot that held the specially made handkerchief onto her belt.

Speak up!’ someone behind her shouted.

Sir Justin, will you accept this token of my favour to carry with you today?’ Connie asked. Was the entire crowd looking at them?

I would be honoured, Lady Constance,’ Sir Justin replied as he took the handkerchief, which looked little more than a scrap in his large gauntlets. She could not see his face, but she felt like he might be grinning too. Thunderous applause and cheers broke out as he gently twitched the reins and Cleopatra moved off to take their place at the top of the lists. Maestro Contarini burst into rhapsodic commentary.

… never have we seen such gallantry, such chivalry, such perfect pageantry! Sir Justin rides like the knights of old with the token of his lady! Nowhere in the twenty-first century is there such romance as this!’

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight is available for pre-order now, and will release 20 October 2017. One-click now!

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Exclusive Excerpt 1: The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight

32237

All’s Faire in love and war…

I’m all right,’ she tried to reassure him, wishing her voice would stop sounding so tremulous. ‘You saved my life.’

I think I might have done. Thank god I decided to take Cleopatra out before the tourney.’ With his free hand, he tried to unclasp the visor that covered his face. ‘Dammit, it’s stuck again,’ he muttered, sounding slightly muffled through the visor of his full-face helmet.

They both looked downhill—the empty horse float’s rapid descent had come to a stop at the bottom of the hill with an enormous crash, but with no one in the way. Faire officials were running from the far side of the jousting lists to look at the horse float. Another group had run down from the top of the hill. Several of them were shouting and pointing at Connie and her rescuer. The knight waved and flashed them a thumb-up sign to indicate they were all right.

I probably better go,’ he said, jerking his gauntleted fist towards the understandably panicked faire staff. ‘They’ll need some help sorting this out. Some rank amateur must have been trying to park in the wrong place.’

Thank you so much,’ Connie said, barely taking in what was going on around her. Her heart was still hammering from the fright. ‘I looked up, and that thing was falling, and I couldn’t even think. I tripped over this bloody dress—too many damn petticoats—my boots caught. I feel like a total twit.’

The knight shook his head, as much as he was able to in the restrictive enclosed helmet. ‘Don’t. You aren’t. I don’t think that dress was made for making quick escapes from runaway vehicles in, lovely though it is.’

Seeing as I made it, I can tell you for a fact ‘quick escapes’ weren’t anything I thought about having to do while wearing this dress.’

You made it? That’s awesome—I mean,’ he amended, ‘my lady is most talented. And I’ve gone and ripped it like an uncouth knave.’

You saved my life, sir. I can fix the dress. My pride, however, is pretty badly bruised. Us damsels are expected to be self-rescuing these days.’

A laugh echoed inside the knight’s helm. ‘Don’t feel bad, my lady, we have a yearly quota of damsel saving we must meet, else they revoke our right to ride in the joust, and also our right to say ‘forsooth’ and ‘verily’. In truth, it is you who have helped me.’

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight is available for pre-order now, and will release 20 October 2017. One-click now!

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Six Terribly Unromantic Fashion Trends

by Anna Klein

Wearing crinolines and corsets and enormous silk dresses just seems so much more romantic than jeans, a t-shirt, and a cardie. On the other hand, history also has a few peculiar historical trends that are distinctly unromantic and un-swoonworthy. I’ve put together a list of the worst offenders;

  • Forehead plucking

Roughly in the time of Shakespeare, high foreheads on ladies were considered terribly sexy, so noblewomen would pluck the front of their hair to raise their hairline for a few inches. That suddenly puts eyebrow tweezing into some harsh perspective.

Rogier_van_der_Weyden_-_Portrait_of_a_Lady_-_Google_Art_Project

Portrait of a Lady, Rogier van der Weyden

  • Dress Lacing

The front-lacing dress medieval dress that we all know as ‘the sexy wench look’ were actually for the many women not lucky enough to have a maid to dress them – and who needed to be able to unlace themselves in a hurry to nurse their baby. Rich women had back-lacing dresses, maids to lace them into it, and a dedicated ‘wet nurse’ to feed their babies.

  • No Knickers

It turns out the earliest ancestor of lady’s knickers didn’t become commonplace until the early 19th century. Before then, most women just went breezy under their skirts. In fact, it wasn’t even until the 1920s that knickers gained a centre seam – up until then, it was split up the middle! There are historical examples from around the world of things like knickers being worn by very rich women, or courtesans, but it was considered very unladylike and inappropriate…because they were thought to be trousers, and those were only for men!

1900s-edwardian-knickers-pantaloons-underwear-women

Edwardian undergarments. Image source.

  • Underpants Shirt

Men didn’t get off easy in the historical underpants arena either. They had very long shirts they tucked in between their legs before putting on their hose and that was underpants.

  • Padded Bellies

These days it feels like everything is about eating less and getting smaller, while historically, men showed off their wealth by wearing doublets with a built-in belly to make themselves look larger and therefore obviously capable of affording lots of food.

  • 7cc814abd2d047cf879230b4a5665d76

    Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester. Image Source

    The Codpiece

Men’s hose was originally just the two legs tied at the waist, with no centre bit. This was fine when tunics were down to the knee but as the hemlines for the tunic rose higher and higher, pretty quickly the crotch area was left covered with nothing but a flimsy piece of linen from the underpants shirt. That’s when they invented the codpiece, originally a triangle of fabric they laced in between the two legs of hose, before it turned into elaborate fabric representations of the goods underneath. Fun fact: They also used to keep their coin purse inside the codpiece to try and put off pickpockets!

So here’s to zippers, knickers, and non-crotch based cash storage. Maybe that t-shirt and jeans lacks a certain romance, but I’m glad for clothes I can dress myself in! Well, most days – I can’t be the only woman that’s been excited about a smart new office dress only to spend twenty minutes doing contortions trying to do the zip up in the back. No? Just me?


32237All’s Faire in love and war…

Connie leads a double life. During the week, she is an up-and-coming designer and dressmaker, creating sleek, elegant gowns for the wealthy elite. But come the weekend, Connie becomes Lady Constance, a member of the House Felicitous at the local Renaissance Faire, creating beautiful historical garments for herself and her friends and teaching dancing to fair attendees. Fearing loss of business should her stylish clientèle discover her extracurricular activities, Connie keeps her professional life and her faire life carefully separate. However, everything changes when she’s saved from certain death by Sir Justin: a rising star in the joust and an actual knight in shining armour.

Behind his mask as Sir Justin, Dominic is confident and charismatic, but out of his armour, his courage fails him, and to his own horror he finds himself accidentally pretending to be his own best friend. Suddenly, he is in Connie’s life as two different men: the elusive Sir Justin who courts her over the internet and from behind a suit of armour and Justin’s ‘best friend’ Dominic who hangs out at her apartment and helps her move. The lie only grows bigger and Sir Justin finds himself faced with the most frightening challenge he can imagine: extricating himself from his lie and winning Connie’s heart as his true self.

But there’s something rotten afoot at the Faire, something that threatens its future, the community that has grown there, and even Sir Justin’s life. Will Lady Constance find the courage to step up and risk everything to defend her friends, save the Faire, and rescue her knight?

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding a Knight is available for pre-order now!

iBooks, Booktopia, Nook, Kobo, Google, Amazon AU, Amazon UK, Amazon US